Rent A Kid

Have you ever thought about renting a kid?  Like, a child (boy or girl. ok, I guess that’s obvious), not a baby goat.  Though that would be interesting and prove to be quite entertaining, I bet!   😉  But, seriously – have you ever thought about renting a kid?

Well, my family has.  More specifically, my older brother (yep, the same one who I arm wrestled and killed my shoulder with.  yeah, him.   😀 ).  I know, I know, we’re totally weird to think of inhumane things like this, but just think about it:

You want to impress that special someone with your *amazing* childcare skills, so you stop by Rent A Kid to pick one up.

Can’t choose which gender?  Well, that’s what the staff are for.  They’ll assist you in deciding which would work better with you and for your purpose, or whether you should just take one of each to show how super talented you are.

Can’t decide on what age?  Once again, the staff will fly in to save the day.  Are you looking to be super amazingly awesome for the special someone?  Go for the rowdy two-year old.  Or better yet, the cranky 12 month old, who’s beginning to walk and doesn’t know what the word “no” means.  Oh and don’t forget about those sharp new teeth.  Yeah, that’ll be *perfect*.  😉

Maybe you’re looking for a child whose calmer, yet still shows that you “got this” and can totally handle kids.  I think our staff will suggest the 5 and 6 year olds – but you better watch out; they’ve just discovered the *real* use for scissors.

With Rent A Kid, you are under no obligation to keep the child for any amount of time.  After all, kids are kids, and you may be getting in way over your head.  There are also services for the men who come running back five minutes after they left – with their tie undone, hair frazzled and matted with spit up (does projectile vomiting sound familiar?), milk and coffee stains all over their clothes, shoelaces untied, yet knotted together and for some unknown reason, scratch and bite marks covering their skin.

But, we would like to let you know that we have *no* idea how this happened, that it was *completely* unusual and we are by no means responsible for this child’s behavior (just check the small print in the release form you signed when you “checked out” with the kid).

Please return the children when you’re done, and we’ll have them cleaned and ready for the next customer in no time.  Have a nice day, and hope your special someone was highly impressed.  😉

haha so I just want to mention here that even though this is a fun and completely fictional idea, children are a blessing from the Lord, and are worth more than gold.  Of course I would not condone anything like this occurring, but it’s fun to joke about.

Matthew 18:10 says, “See that you do not despise one of these little ones.  For I tell you that in Heaven, their angels always see the face of My Father who is in Heaven.”

Luke 18:15-17 says, “…But Jesus called to them, saying, “Let the children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belong the Kingdom of God.  Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the Kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.”

Have a great week!!

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14 thoughts on “Rent A Kid

  1. What about Rent-A-Twin? I’ll pay shipping and handling (airfare?) to get you down here, and we can have the reunion of all reunions 😀 And I won’t have to worry about any projectile vomiting. I hope…?

    But wait, you messed up your shoulder through arm wrestling? I didn’t know that. Why do I not have the whole backstory?!

    Oh, and I totally want to rent a baby goat. Just saying.

    • I *love* the idea of Rent-A-Twin!! Glad you’re paying, ‘cuz I’m broke. 😉 I’m over the stomach flu, so I think we’re safe concerning the projectile vomiting. haha 😀

      Yeah, arm wrestling. Are you serious? I’ve done like a bazillion posts about how I injured my shoulder, and everything I’ve gone through since then. I’ll see if I can get you the links. 🙂

      haha they’re so cute! My neighbor has some goats and she bred them, so when the kids were birthed, we were able to help with them. They were so amazingly cute. Adult goats, not so much. 😛

      -Tia

      • Good 😀 Once I save up more than the $53 I have now, we’ll make Rent-A-Twin happen.

        I knew you messed up your shoulder, but I didn’t know *how* you did it. I thought it was more dramatic than arm wrestling. Like, you were saving a puppy from drowning in a vat of molten lava or something…. 😉

        Yeah, adult anything is gross. Puppies? Adorable. But if an adult dog was falling into a vat of lava, I might contemplate saving it or not. Everything is coming back to molten lava this morning. It’s too early. I need coffee.

        • yeah, it might be helpful if you had a bit more than $53. 😉 but, hey, that’s a start! 😀

          Oh, ok. I guess I never clarified that. I know…people are all like, “how’d you injure it??” and I’m like, “…….arm wrestling my big brother…….” and then either an awkward silence or hysterical laughing ensues. I’ve had both. I wish I saved a puppy from drowning in a vat of molten lava. 😀 that would be amazing.

          hmmm I’d still save the adult dog. I have a weakness for any dogs, old or young, so it would break my heart if I saw one in a vat of molten lava. or a rushing river with rapids up ahead. wow, that was a pretty nice alliteration, if I say so myself. 😀

          haha so now I know what’s *really* on your mind in the morning. molten lava. should I even ask where that came from…? 😉 Coffee’s a miracle worker, and my “one weakness”.

          -Tia

    • Well, last week I bought 2 concert tickets and two different magazine subscriptions on the same day. So there goes like $80+ all at once. Boom. Gone. Byebye. Oh, and my mom won’t let me get a job. So with no source of income and too many converses to be bought, I’m broke.

      I’m glad I finally know the general idea of the whole story. Seriously. I think I made up some story in my head that you hurt it playing some sport, and then convinced myself that that story was true. So I was like arm wrestling…? Is she joking? 😀

      Hmmm…yeah, maybe you’re right. Adult dogs are pretty adorable. What about like a porcupine or something?

      Oh Tia, molten lava isn’t even the weirdest thing that goes through my head in the morning. My train of thought goes off the rails until I have a cup of coffee. Or 3. I’m trying to convince myself that I’m not a caffeine addict, but it’s not really working.

      *sigh* My comments on your posts are always like novels. I apologize. I really don’t talk this much in real life. Better to be thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt, huh? Aaannnnnndddd I shall stop now 😉

      • haha I know how that is. You start spending some money, and then all of a sudden you have like $0 left. O.o For a while there I was a little concerned about how I could get income since I wasn’t allowed to get a job, but now I’m working for my dad’s business, so I’m good. 😀 I’m not the richest person, but hey, it’s waaay better than nothing. I don’t even have one pair of name-brand Converse. Can you believe that? One of these days I’m going to have to buy a name brand purple and black pair. But that’ll have to be after the holidays and birthdays, because I have too many gifts to buy for now, haha!

        Isn’t it funny how we can convince ourselves of things even when we haven’t heard it for real? Hey – arm wrestling is a sport!! 😉 ok, not really…but I’m not a sportsy person. at all. never have been, and now I probably never will be. I can’t even play frisbee with my church youth group without killing my shoulder. so I sit and watch. yes, I’m an amazing person to have on your side if you want me to route for you – just sayin’. 😉 wow, I’m really going on and on here. hmmmm…..

        yeah, no. not a porcupine. I would not risk my life for a porcupine – when I’d probably end up being ejected with quills, and then burned in lava. yeah, so not happening.

        I *love* coffee. I like to drink it in the morning…but all my parents ever make is decaf, so I try to convince myself it really will wake me up and is real coffee. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. depends on how many cups I have, haha. 😉

        and my replies to your comments (and comments on your blog) are always novels as well. Don’t apologize! I love it. I know, I don’t talk this much in person either…but it’s easy to do while commenting. especially when you can just keep writing your random thoughts…. 😛

        i love your comments.

        -Tia

  2. Pingback: Rent A Kid | Holding the Future Hostage – Kingdom of God Worship Blogs

  3. haha, nice sense of humor Tia. I have to admit, that I thought you were serious! And when you said your brother thought about it, I was wondering if perhaps he had lost his noodles. Though, I wouldn’t know. 😛 Though I do have to say, renting a child just might be a lucrative business…….. I’m not serious. But yes, it is fun to joke about that stuff. Cute. Laughter is te best medicine. Give my love to your family.

    ~Livi

    • thanks! haha yeah I didn’t want CPS or anyone to jump on me, so I made sure to write that I was joking at the end. 😉 all in good fun. I know, right?! I could totally see it happening. lol Will do. Thanks for commenting, Haeowyn.

      -Tia

      • Haha, I didn’t even think about CPS. . . good thing you thought of the disclaimer! yeah, totally see it. My Pleasure Senorita. (I don’t know the Italian version)

        -Livi (or Haeowyn, your pick)

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